🚩🚩🚩My Unexpected Internship in Servitud

So... let me tell you about that time I thought I was going on a cute, romantic date but ended up auditioning for the role of "Housekeeper of the Year." Buckle up, because this one’s a ride.

Picture this: I’m in Madrid, casually riding the tube when I meet this guy who also lives in London. Sparks fly (like, literal tube electricity) and before I know it, we’re kissing on the train. Cute, right? Fast forward a few days, he texts me asking if I want to "come over" for dinner at his place in London. Romantic, yes? Wrong. So, so wrong.

I arrive, we “misbehave” (ahem), and then the plot twist: He finishes, leaves me in bed like a forgotten sock, and heads to the kitchen to cook. Okay... red flag. I decide to take a shower because, well, what else do you do when your date is more interested in their stovetop?

But wait, it gets better. When I come out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, I’m greeted by a random 60-year-old man in the house. Turns out, this was his neighbour who “popped by to say hi.” Mind you, I’m standing there like a half-naked extra in this bizarre soap opera. And the neighbour? Oh, he didn’t just pop by. He stayed for over 45 minutes. I had time to call my friends, answer emails, and contemplate life choices while waiting for him to leave.

But does he leave? No. When dinner is ready, my charming date invites him to stay. So, there I am, having the most awkward dinner of my life with two people I barely know: one who clearly thought I was hired help and another who I suspect was just there for the free food.

Finally, the neighbour leaves, and I think, Finally, some alone time. But oh no, my date looks at me with all the audacity in the world and says, “You know what you can do now?” I’m thinking, Finish this nightmare? But no. He points to the sink full of dirty dishes.

Because I’m a people-pleaser with no sense of self-preservation, I wash all the dishes like a Michelin-star sous-chef because apparently, he was in a rush to pack for his trip the next day. Meanwhile, he relaxes on the sofa watching the Olympic Games. The rush was real.

I think, Okay, surely now we’ll spend some quality time together. Wrong again. He suddenly remembers he has to pack for a trip and ropes me into folding his clothes and packing his suitcase. At this point, I’m basically his unpaid intern. But when I finish all my chores and we finally sat down on the sofa, he gave me his best resting b**** face and said, “I can help you finish.” And let me tell you, the only thing finishing that night was my patience.

When it’s finally time to leave, he has the audacity to say, “Let’s meet next week when I’m back.” Sir, unless you have a cleaning contract and benefits package, this maid service is permanently closed.

Needless to say, that was the most deserved ghosting I’ve ever done in my life. Moral of the story? If you spot one red flag, there’s probably a parade of them coming. Don’t wait around to be the grand marshal.